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第136章（第1页）

“Iwascertainlyveryfarfromexpectingthemtomakesostronganimpression。Ihadnotthesmallestideaoftheirbeingeverfeltinsuchaway。”

“Icaneasilybelieveit。Youthoughtmethendevoidofeveryproperfeeling，Iamsureyoudid。TheturnofyourcountenanceIshallneverforget，asyousaidthatIcouldnothaveaddressedyouinanypossiblewaythatwouldinduceyoutoacceptme。”

“Oh!donotrepeatwhatIthensaid。Theserecollectionswillnotdoatall。IassureyouthatIhavelongbeenmostheartilyashamedofit。”

Darcymentionedhisletter。“Didit，”saidhe，“diditsoonmakeyouthinkbetterofme?Didyou，onreadingit，giveanycredittoitscontents?”

Sheexplainedwhatitseffectonherhadbeen，andhowgraduallyallherformerprejudiceshadbeenremoved。

“Iknew，”saidhe，“thatwhatIwrotemustgiveyoupain，butitwasnecessary。Ihopeyouhavedestroyedtheletter。Therewasonepartespecially，theopeningofit，whichIshoulddreadyourhavingthepowerofreadingagain。Icanremembersomeexpressionswhichmightjustlymakeyouhateme。”

“Thelettershallcertainlybeburnt，ifyoubelieveitessentialtothepreservationofmyregard;but，thoughwehavebothreasontothinkmyopinionsnotentirelyunalterable，theyarenot，Ihope，quitesoeasilychangedasthatimplies。”

“WhenIwrotethatletter，”repliedDarcy，“Ibelievedmyselfperfectlycalmandcool，butIamsinceconvincedthatitwaswritteninadreadfulbitternessofspirit。”

“Theletter，perhaps，beganinbitterness，butitdidnotendso。Theadieuischarityitself。Butthinknomoreoftheletter。Thefeelingsofthepersonwhowrote，andthepersonwhoreceivedit，arenowsowidelydifferentfromwhattheywerethen，thateveryunpleasantcircumstanceattendingitoughttobeforgotten。Youmustlearnsomeofmyphilosophy。Thinkonlyofthepastasitsremembrancegivesyoupleasure。”

“Icannotgiveyoucreditforanyphilosophyofthekind。Yourretrospectionsmustbesototallyvoidofreproach，thatthecontentmentarisingfromthemisnotofphilosophy，but，whatismuchbetter，ofinnocence。Butwithme，itisnotso。Painfulrecollectionswillintrudewhichcannot，whichoughtnot，toberepelled。Ihavebeenaselfishbeingallmylife，inpractice，thoughnotinprinciple。AsachildIwastaughtwhatwasright，butIwasnottaughttocorrectmytemper。Iwasgivengoodprinciples，butlefttofollowtheminprideandconceit。Unfortunatelyanonlyson（formanyyearsanonlychild），Iwasspoiltbymyparents，who，thoughgoodthemselves（myfather，particularly，allthatwasbenevolentandamiable），allowed，encouraged，almosttaughtmetobeselfishandoverbearing;tocarefornonebeyondmyownfamilycircle;tothinkmeanlyofalltherestoftheworld;towishatleasttothinkmeanlyoftheirsenseandworthcomparedwithmyown。SuchIwas，fromeighttoeightandtwenty;andsuchImightstillhavebeenbutforyou，dearest，loveliestElizabeth!WhatdoInotoweyou!Youtaughtmealesson，hardindeedatfirst，butmostadvantageous。Byyou，Iwasproperlyhumbled。Icametoyouwithoutadoubtofmyreception。Youshowedmehowinsufficientwereallmypretensionstopleaseawomanworthyofbeingpleased。”

“HadyouthenpersuadedyourselfthatIshould?”

“IndeedIhad。Whatwillyouthinkofmyvanity?Ibelievedyoutobewishing，expectingmyaddresses。”

“Mymannersmusthavebeeninfault，butnotintentionally，Iassureyou。Inevermeanttodeceiveyou，butmyspiritsmightoftenleadmewrong。Howyoumusthavehatedmeafterthatevening?”

“Hateyou!Iwasangryperhapsatfirst，butmyangersoonbegantotakeaproperdirection。”